He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
