pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
