One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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