I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
