What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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