I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
