I CAN MOONWALK!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
