He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
