You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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