I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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