Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
