There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
