when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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