Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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