It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
