I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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