Whod you bang
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
