Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
