I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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