i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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