I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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