the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
