I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
