plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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