I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
