just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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