just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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