bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
where are my eyebrows?
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