haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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