if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
