like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i will never coherently bang her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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