He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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