We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
