What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
