dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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