i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
