she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
