Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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