There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
