literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
