after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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