the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
