just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
