i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
