He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
