bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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