i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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