New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
