I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
