I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
