he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
