I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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