if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
