wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.