I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.