I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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