In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.