the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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