I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
