did you get engaged???
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
