Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
