when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.