I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
