he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
