think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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