Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
