Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize