if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
