The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
