i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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