It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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