Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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