wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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