If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
