dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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