can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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