I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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