Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
