Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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