I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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