you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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