false alarm. still invincible.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
