oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
