Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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